What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 03:00
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Was to survive, this bastard.
Why did my bipolar girlfriend split up with me?
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
She found it foreign!.
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On the 31st of Jan this month .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Who then, do I blame.?
He resisted the act ,that day.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
What is it like to be the slave in a mistress-slave relationship?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I will be 64.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
We all went to grammer schools
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
All the time i was locked up.
What is your juiciest sex story?
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Why am I so tired of seeing homeless people all over the place?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
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I said to her
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Who would win in this boxing matchup between these two, Dillian Whyte or Samuel Peter?
I was scared of men, in general
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I don,t even have a pension.
I have no regrets .
Who was the guy that had sex with the AIDS monkey?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Why do creationists ask for proof of evolution and then ignore the answers?
Put me off passion for life!!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Especially a lifetime of it.
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Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
So, i spoilt her more .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I never cut or harmed myself..
He knew the spot.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But, we were locked up after school.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
She was in good health!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
And i lived it daily.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But it wasn’t much.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
When she asked me how she looked .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Would this be the day?
One cannot live in the past .
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I was 9 years of age.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
My family never makes their pension either.
I was seconnd youngest,
It was going to be , some day.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I write beautiful poetry .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
She wouldn,t have been !
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I could never make a relationship work though!
Why did i forgive my father ?
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
As i do to all so called friends.?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I couldn’t, believe it.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
(And it was in our own minds.)
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Comes on , in middle age.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
What did i know ?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
This is soul school!.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
But ive been too sick for many years..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I think the readers, may guess!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She loved him until the end.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I waited trembling.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
So whats the point in blame.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
She married twice! .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I had hoped to write a book about this .
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Im still living with it.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I was very sick at this time too.
Ive learnt so much.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
My life is so biszare .
We were not on the streets..
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)